I MISS MY LIFE

This is what Joanne said to me. Even though she is doing so well, it is still a daily struggle. We gauge how well she is doing, but the starting point is '0'. Before the stroke she was 110. She has regained so much and I thank God for that, but so much was taken away. After all the visitors leave, after the light conversations and small talk, life goes on. Dealing with the day to day needs of a family. Homework, laundry, cleaning up a spilled glass of milk, consoling hurt feelings, redirecting an argument, expressing your feelings of joy or sadness, disappointment or optimism.
Buttering a bagel with one hand, opening a jar or bottle, pulling on a pair of pants, tying your shoe. It is a battle every day.

HELLO 2008

We say good bye to 2007 and look forward to the new challenges of 2008. Joanne has come so far in such a short time. The past two months however, does seem like an eternity. She had what I am calling a "growth spurt" on Thursday. She was getting more sensation in her hand and it was noticeably stronger and more responsive. In the evening after an OT session, she was pouring milk for dinner, saying, "Hey, look at me!", as she was doing a little dance around the table. She was like a child with a new toy. She kept walking around picking things up. It was very exciting to see. She is rather frustrated at the prospect of not being able to drive for a while. And she is bothered at times with the inability to find the right words. I know she does not want to be defined as a person who had a stoke. It certainly is not who she is, it is just something that happened to her. She is so determined to regain her speech and her strength. Her determination is truly an inspiration. Joanne has been so strong though this and had risen to each challenge with such grace. We have had our share of tears. I am sometimes surprised by the tears, since she has been so strong. I am very proud of her for staying focused and for saying, "I don't like this, but it happened and I need to work until I get well."

I keep thinking of, Romans 8:28 and 8:32, "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.", "He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things?" What good comes from someone having a stroke? What good comes from a family turned upside down? What good comes from a husband thinking that his wife may not live through the next day? Luke 11:11-13, "Now suppose one of you fathers is asked by his son for a fish; he will not give him a snake instead of a fish, will he? Or if he is asked for an egg, he will not give him a scorpion, will he? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him?"

We may never know what ultimate good God has caused by Joanne having a stroke, but I know that He has been present in our home, like a dear friend, laughing with us and crying with us and just being with us. I can say with absolute certainty that I have almost literally felt Him carrying me along. He put people in our life who where there to help us physically, emotionally and spiritually. I would much rather if Joanne had not had a stroke, but she did, and I am so thankful that we have a loving God to rely on. I wouldn't have been able to get through this challenge without His help.